


Idiot

by andtheyfightcrime



Series: Buffyverse Bingo [4]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Comics 2019)
Genre: BOOM! Buffy the Vampire Slayer Comics, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21640597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andtheyfightcrime/pseuds/andtheyfightcrime
Summary: “Are you guys in a cult? Is this what this is?” Cordelia pushes away from the shelf. “Because I definitely did not sign up for a cult.”Cordelia Chase explains it all.
Series: Buffyverse Bingo [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559722
Kudos: 6
Collections: Buffyverse Bingo - Round 1





	Idiot

She has always known what to do, what to say and obviously what to wear. There’s a reason she’s won Miss Sunnydale two years in a row, and why the student body votes her in as School President (by a respectable margin. She would have felt bad if it was a landslide.) for another year.

Cordelia Chase knows her place in the world and what her plan is once high school is over and she’s out in the world as an adult.

There would be college – New York, preferably, and a cute loft in a building with a doorman. She’d take walks in Central Park and browse the books at the Strand, and be in the front row during Fashion Week. It isn’t bragging, it’s just an accepted fact. She has always been successful once she decides she’s going to do something.

Nowhere in Cordelia’s Grand Plan for Life does it say ‘Fight the forces of darkness’. With the track captain and Xander Harris, no less.

Add in the fact that Xander was apparently half a vampire now – and _vampires are real_ , though that whole giant bat incident a few months ago should have tipped her off. Something really major was going down in Sunnydale, and naturally, she found herself in the middle of it.

She glances over at Xander. He’s staring at nothing and it’s kind of creepy.

“How can you be half a vampire?”

Robin looks up from the massive book he’s been flipping through. “Yeah, I didn’t know they came in half-versions.”

Something changes in Xander’s expression then, an awareness that wasn’t there before. He blinks at them slowly and then says, “I don’t have a demon running the show. I can still eat human food and go out in the sunlight. But I need blood from time to time or I get cranky. And oh, I can do this –”

His forehead ripples heavily and his brow becomes a heavy ridge. His eyes flash yellow and his lips pull back to reveal sharp fangs.

Cordelia prides herself on quickly adapting to any situation, but Xander’s transformation rattles her. Robin lets out a low whistle. “Shit. You really do look like a vampire.”

“That’s because I am. And how come you know about vampires? You’re way calm.”

“After the hell rats, vampires seem like the logical step. So you’re not soul-less?”

Xander nods. “Thanks to Willow. She gave me half of hers – said she had enough to share.” He laughs. “This is going to make finding her Hanukkah gift ten times as hard, you know? What do you give the girl who saved your life?”

“Jewelry,” Cordelia says promptly. When they stare at her, she rolls her eyes. “ _Seriously_. Jewelry is a failproof gift. Necklace, bracelet, a ring,” and Xander’s eyes nearly bug out of his head, “or a watch. A fancy one.”

“Yeah, I don’t think a part-time job at Tunaverse or Sal’s Pizza is going to get me there.” Xander looks pensive. “I have enough for a ring pop and ticket to Fright Fest 98, but I don’t think that’ll cut it.”

“Hey man. You can cook for her.” Robin slaps Xander on the back. “My dad has some killer recipes, I can ask if you want.”

Xander grimaces. “Yeah, I’m more of a microwave or take out guy. But thanks.”

“Anytime.” Robin returns his attention to the book. “So what’s _your_ superpower, Cordelia Chase?”

She looks at him carefully, searching for a sign that he’s making fun of her. Robin’s gaze is friendly and unassuming, but – ah, there it was. A wariness that blinked out as quickly as she spotted it. She crosses her arms and leans against the shelf. “I like to help people and I’m fluent in Spanish. What’s yours?”

“Ah, sí?” Robin smiles a perfect politician’s smile. She’s practiced her own in the mirror many times.

“Sí. Quién eres tú?”

His smile, if possible, grows wider. He holds out his hand. “I’m Robin Wood. I’ve seen your posters around.”

Xander glances between them as if watching a tennis match. “O-kay. Unexplained tension. Care to fill in the blanks?”

Robin shrugs. “Cordelia just asked me who I am.” He closes the book and reaches for another. “Mr. Giles sure has a lot of occult books just lying around.”

“Ha, he’s a collector,” Xander says, unconvincingly. “But no, really. What’s up with you two?”

Cordelia picks a book of her own and flips to the center of it. A large pentagram covers half of the page and there’s a wood carving of a… she closes the book quickly, slipping it back on the shelf. “I could ask the same thing, Robin Wood. What’s _your_ deal? Buffy’s weird and strong, Willow’s gone all emo and witchy, and Xander is a half-vampire. Because that’s real now.”

Harmony was going to get the longest text ever tonight, she thinks. Was there an emoji for half a vampire?

“Hey, those are my friends you’re talking about,” Xander protests.

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing, it’s just the truth. And besides, you can’t deny it. Buffy _is_ weird.”

“Nah. I’d say she’s a Slayer, and they’re pretty cool.”

Her “What?” is eclipsed by Xander shouting, “How do you know that?”

Robin sighs. “Because I’m a Watcher. In training. I figured out who she was when I saw her.”

Xander throws his hands up in the air. “God, is there anyone who doesn’t know Buffy’s a Slayer? Giles is going to freak.”

“Are you guys in a cult? Is this what this is?” Cordelia pushes away from the shelf. “Because I definitely did not sign up for a cult.”

Robin shakes his head. “We’re here to save the world. Or at least, Sunnydale. You in or out, Cordelia?”

She really should go home. Check on her dog, make sure her parents were okay. Her mom was waiting to watch the Real Wives of Weatherly with her, and Daddy said he had an internship opportunity he wanted to discuss with her. She could work on the first draft of an admissions essay. All perfectly valid reasons to leave and never come back.

Except – she remembers the noise and the screaming. Her fellow classmates bewildered and frightened as they ran out into the night. The flames that licked up the side of the building and then vanished, as if they were special effects. And she remembers the heat. Sunnydale was burning – and then it wasn’t.

Buffy Summers had disappeared, and Willow was walking around with a black streak in her hair and not talking to _anyone_ , and this was it, wasn’t it? The ultimate help others situation.

She sits down at the table, on Xander’s other side. She squares her shoulders. “Where do I start?”

There’s gotta be a way to put _this_ on her resume.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Buffyverse Bingo, prompt: idiot.
> 
> Cordelia Chase's characterization in the Boom! reboot has been a joy to experience. Jordie writes a classically self-aware Cordelia minus the cruelty parading as tactful honesty. Queen C is more School President C and Miss Sunnydale for two years in a row, thank you very much.


End file.
